Friends vs. the Boyfriend
I started to write Maria tonight. I wrote about the summer, camp and then him. I got through all of the good times and how hard I fell, moved onto my first semester of college- but had to stop because I started writing about Christmas Break. Everything rushed back to me. I think it hurts more now than it did then. How does that happen? And to think, I talk so big everytime I hear about some scandalous guy cheating: “She should just dump his ass and be done! Why would she even consider taking him back?” yet, here I sit, pining after a prime example of a sleazeball. He didn’t even have the balls to admit his infidelity to me and in doing so broke the only promise he’d ever made me.
Tonight my roommate posed the hypothetical situation: If you had a negative opinion about a good friend’s relationship should you tell them? I decided that it depended on your relationship with the person and whether or not the relationship they were involved in was unhealthy for them and hurting them. She proceeded to tell me that she thought my boyfriend was rude and she was worried that his personality would rub off on me.
You know, I don’t really care that he is rude to my friends. I feel like maybe that ought to matter but truly, I don’t care how my boyfriend gets along with my friends. After years of being screwed over by both parties and often somehow relating to one another – I have decided that mixing my boyfriend with my friends is something that just never works out for me. After my best friend in eighth grade convinced me to break up with probably the only decent guy I’ve ever been with, and I had another ex leave me for one of my friends, etc. etc. After a few similar scenarios, I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe mixing my relationships with my circle of friends isn’t a good idea.
Now this isn’t as cut and dried of a rule as I make it sound; I have to date guys that I’m friends with. How am I supposed to be friends with guys without hanging out with them in a group of friends ever? Well, I have thought about it and to be more exact : I don’t care if my girlfriends get along with my boyfriend. In fact, I want to keep them away from my boyfriends, so really it is convenient for me that my 2 closest friends think he’s rude. I don’t have to worry about co-mingling and the drama that is sure to ensue because of it. Well, perhaps convenient is a bit of a stretch – I’m sure that him ever coming over to the apartment is going to be awkward, especially since I’m sharing a room with one of them, but I just assume I’ll sleep at his place when we do stay the night together.
One of my roommate’s points was that I might should worry about how he treats other people, but she mooted that point when she pointed out that he is only nice to the people he cares about. Not that I myself have that attitude, I am a bleeding heart and care about anything that has a heartbeat -a trait which often is abused by the people in my life- so I can’t exactly blame him for it. But I am someone he cares about and to this point in our relationship I don’t have a single complaint for the way he has treated me. We have never fought about anything, he is always open to my feelings and concerns, we’re able to have intelligentconversations, he puts up with me being irrational, he understands my humor and I his. I guess I’m a little grateful that my roommate is a mostly selfish person, she pointed out that he is indifferent only to people that don’t matter to him (thinking of herself). Her example was that she would like a “hey how’s it going?” everytime she sees him, but somehow it doesn’t bother me that for once when a guy walks into a room he’s all eyes and ears for me. In fact I think I’m a little flattered.
I suppose that this sentiment may change when I am looking for a more serious relationship. For example as far as my husband goes, I will look for that trait in my relationship. But for now, when I am content with who I am with and the level we function on, I don’t need my friends and my boyfriend to get along.
